bae caught me slippin
This is the most important invention in human history
my mom bought me a camouflage sweater today and i was like mom why did u do that and she said “so u can go hunting for men”
'where is the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago' an autobiography i'll never write because i keep losing the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago.
gonna get tattoos of dogs on my arms and then get really buff so when i see a fly cutie i can be like “excuse me, but do you know where a vet is? because i’ve got some SICK PUPPIES” and then i’ll flex so hard my shirt sleeves rip and they’re blown away by my arms, my devotion to dogs, and my sense of humor
this is the best thing in the entire world
i’m actually crying
fucking turtles, man
it;s like, they know
I just died.